To All the Boys I've Adored Before
by Jazzy Bassoon
Summary: "I've always loved to write letters. Whether it was just catching up with an acquaintance, or pouring out all my feelings onto a sheet of paper, there is something so magical about writing somebody a letter." Medieval AU


The majority of this will be based on the books, though there are a few details taken from the film.

_Disclaimer: I am not Jenny Han_

**Chapter 1: Moonlight**

I've always loved to write letters. Whether it was just catching up with an acquaintance, or pouring my feelings out onto the page, there is just something so magical about writing letters. My older sister Margot prefers speaking in person; little Kitty adores gossiping in hidden corners of the palace.

But me - I love letters.

* * *

It is a Friday, which means there will be a hunt. The king loves to hunt, but Daddy never taught us how to ride properly, so we have to be content with watching from afar. Of course, Genevieve will be at the front, next to Peter.

Peter Kavinsky. Easily the most handsome boy at court. He kissed me once, years ago. Some ball or another was dwindling down, and he kissed me in the moonlight. It is the most romantic moment of my life. I don't think Genevieve ever found out. Maybe she did; maybe that is why we aren't friends anymore. She is courting Peter now - everyone says he will propose soon.

Nobody knows this, but after he kissed me I had a crush on him. That's when I wrote him the letter. The love letter.

I've written five in total: Peter, obviously; John, who is the king and queen's nephew; Lucas, one of the young noble lords; Kenny, who I met one summer in the countryside; and Josh.

Josh is betrothed to Margot. They are very much in love. The only problem is, I love him too.

I keep my letters in a hatbox my mother gave, hidden inside my wardrobe where nobody can find it. Not that anyone would - no one else knows about my love letters. It is my best kept secret.

'Lara Jean, have you seen my corset?' Margot shouts.

'No, why?'

She comes into my bedroom in her nightgown, brushing her hair. 'Because I want to wear it and I can't find it.'

'Maybe Kitty's seen it,' I say, pulling on my boots. It'll be muddy in the woods.

'No, I've already asked her.'

'Maybe Josh has it,' I tease, and she throws her hairbrush at me. 'Ow!'

'Sorry.'

Margot sits on the edge of my bed, her face worried.

'Do you think I'm making a mistake?'

'Hmm?' I say, confused.

'About going to Scotland, having an adventure like Mother did. Do you think it's a mistake?' she asks.

I shake my head firmly. 'No. You're doing what's best. And, when you get back, you can marry Josh.'

I almost miss the shadow cross her face, gone as quick as lightning, as dark as thunder.

'Will you help me find this corset?' Margot says suddenly.

'Of course.'

* * *

Josh meets us outside, ready for the hunt in dark green clothes.

'Hello,' he says, kissing Margot's cheek, and then Kitty and I's hands.

My heart flutters like a butterfly. His lips burn on my hand, leaving a warm feeling that tingles through my body.

'Are you excited for the hunt?' I say.

'Yeah! Margot, are you taking part?'

I expect her to say no, since she doesn't really ride, but instead she nods her head enthusiastically.

'Of course.'

Kitty and I exchange a look of surprise.

'I didn't know you could ride,' Daddy says.

'Josh has been teaching me.'

'Lara Jean, are you going to hunt as well?' Josh asks, his eyes burning into mine. How can I say no to him?

'Yes,' I say. 'Let me just fetch a horse.'

I head over to the stable, and literally run into Genevieve. A groom is leading a beautiful black stallion for her.

'Do you mind?' she snaps.

'Sorry,' I say.

She sighs, and glances down. 'Nice boots,' she says sarcastically.

I smile. 'Thanks.'

Genevieve sighs again. 'That wasn't a real compliment, Lara Jean.'

'Gen!' Peter comes into the stable and does a double-take. 'Lara Jean! It's nice to see you.'

I wonder if he is thinking of our kiss.

'Good morning, Peter, I say sweetly.

'Come on, Peter,' Genevieve says, dragging him away.

Chris shows up while a groom is saddling up a horse for me. She's my best friend, and, like her cousin Genevieve, a skilled rider.

'I didn't think you could ride horses,' she says.

'I'm learning,' I lie.

'Is Josh teaching you?' Chris grins, like she knows about my secret crush.

'Why would the boy courting my sister be teaching me how to ride a horse?' I say, crossing my arms.

'Fair point.'

* * *

The king and queen are leading the hunt, both wondrously regal as always. I watch them jealously, wondering what it would be like to truly be in love. Not just to love somebody like I love Josh, but to have them love you back.

I don't even have my parents to look up to. My mother died seven years ago. She hit her head, and seemed to be fine, but then she just passed away in her sleep. Daddy has been alone ever since.

Margot and Josh are next to me on their horses, talking quietly. I am fully focused on not falling off, so I haven't said a word yet.

'Lara Jean?' Josh says then.

'Yes?' Please ask me a short question. I need to concentrate.

'What are you wearing to the ball tonight?'

'Oh, I don't know,' I say.

'What about that blue dress?' Margot chips in. 'You look nice in that.'

'Maybe,' I say, gripping onto the reins tighter.

Suddenly all the horses in front start to trot. My horse follows suit, and I bounce up and down in the saddle uncontrollably. Then we start to canter, and that's when I fall off.

My body slams into the ground, and I groan in pain. I hear someone land next to me, and I look up, expecting to see Margot or Josh.

'Lara Jean, are you alright?' Peter asks, helping me up.

'Yes, thank you,' I say, looking around for my sister.

'You're welcome.'

We are quiet for a moment, stuck in the awkward silence. The rest of the hunt has moved on, cantering down the path to find a deer or two.

'Need any help?'

'No, I'm fine,' I say. Miraculously, my horse didn't run off, and apart from a small ache in my hip, I think I'm alright. 'I'll just head back.'

'Okay,' Peter says, mounting his horse. 'I'd best catch up to Gen.'

'You do that,' I say as he gallops away, and I begin the long walk back to the palace, leading my horse back with me.

No way I am riding a horse again any time soon.

* * *

Chris slips into my room later that day. I am debating between two dresses for the ball, wondering which one Josh would prefer.

'Have you heard?' Chris says, collapsing onto my bed.

'Heard what?'

'Gen and Kavinsky have stopped courting!'

I gasp. 'What, why?'

She shrugs. 'God only knows. My cousin has a mind of her own.'

I start to think about my and Peter's kiss, all those years ago after the ball. If things had gone differently, would it be me and him people were gossiping about, not him and Genevieve?

I stop that thought in its tracks. As if a boy like Peter Kavinsky could ever like me, let alone the fact that I'm in love with Josh.

'Which dress?' I ask Chris. One is blue with cap sleeves, the other is deep red and strapless.

'Definitely the red one,' she says, and I smile. She is as predictable as a book.

* * *

The ball is quite nice, I suppose. The Great Hall is decorated with diamonds and champagne, and endless nobles dancing or talking. I am stood at the edge, observing everything silently. Chris is dancing with some lord or another, and Margot is outside, talking to Josh.

Kitty dashes up to me. 'Daddy says we have to head to bed now.'

I glance at the clock; it's only eleven.

'All of us?' I say.

'Well, just me and him. But you're welcome to leave too!' Kitty flutters her eyelids at me. She hates being the youngest and leaving every social event first.

'Goodnight, Kitty,' I say, hugging her.

'Goodnight Lara Jean!' she calls as she runs up the stairs where Daddy is waiting.

Josh comes in then, alone. I approach him.

'Where Margot?' I ask.

'Oh, she, um,' Josh stutters. 'She went to bed. She was, um, quite tired after the hunt today.'

'Okay.'

'Did she tell you?' he says suddenly.

'Tell me what?' I say, confused.

'Tell you that she was calling off our betrothal.'

I suck in a breath of air. Margot did what?

'No, she didn't. I'm sorry, Josh.'

'She said she had to go and have her "adventure" without anybody tying her down.' He laughs without humour.

'I'm sorry,' I say again.

'It's not your fault, Lara Jean.' Josh sighs. 'I'm going to go to bed myself. See you tomorrow.'

I give him a little wave as he leaves, and go back to my tried-and-tested method of stand at the side of the Great Hall casually sipping champagne so nobody makes me dance.

After a few minutes, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn, surprised to see Peter stood there (for the second time today).

'Um,' he starts, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. 'I really appreciate it, but...'

What on earth is he on about? My eyes drift until they focus in on his hand. There's a letter. My letter. The love letter I write to Peter. Oh my God. _Oh my God_.

'... and as nice as it was, I just don't think-'

'Peter, I wrote that letter a long time ago,' I interrupt.

'Really?' he says cockily.

'Like, years and years ago. Before you started to court Genevieve, even. So what's in that letter, just know that I don't feel that now.'

'Oh, okay.' I can tell I've disappointed him, just a little. Peter is the kind of boy that needs everyone to fawn over him.

Over his shoulder I see Josh heading down the stairs.

With a letter in his hand.

This is even worse that the Peter situation. I have to do something, and quickly.

I wrap my arms around Peter's neck, pull his head down to mine, and kiss him. For a second he is hesitant, then his hands press against my waist and my whole body feels alive.

There is a sense of deja vu. Me and Peter, at a ball, kissing, in the moonlight. It's almost magical.

I pull away to see Josh walking back up the stairs, and I relax. Perhaps he will never even mention the letter, and we can all move on. As long as Margot never finds out.

'Lara Jean?' Peter says, a confused expression on his face. 'What was that?'

'Thank you,' I say, by way of explanation.

'You're welcome,' he grins.

And then I run out of the Great Hall.

What kind of disaster has my life become?

* * *

_Dear Peter, _

_Did you know that when you kissed me, I would come to love you? Sometimes I think yes. Definitely yes. You know why? Because you think EVERYONE loves you, Peter. That's what I hate about you. Because everyone does love you. Including me. I did. Not anymore. Here are all your worst qualities:_

_You burp and you don't say excuse me. You just assume everyone else will find it charming. And if they don't, who cares, right? Wrong! You do care. You care a lot about what people think of you._

_You always take the last slice of cake at a party. You never ask if anyone else wants it. That's rude. You're so good at everything. Too good. You could've given other guys a chance to be good, but you never did._

_You kissed me for no reason. Even though I knew you liked Gen, and you knew you liked Gen, and Gen knew you liked Gen. But you still __did it. Just because you could. I really want to know: Why would you do that to me? My first kiss was supposed to be something special. I've read about it, what it's supposed to feel like — fireworks and lightning bolts and the sound of waves crashing in your ears. I didn't have any of that. Thanks to you it was as unspecial as a kiss could be._

_The worst part of it is, that stupid nothing kiss is what made me start liking you. I never did before. I never even thought about you before. Gen has always said that you are the best looking boy in our grade, and I agreed, because sure, you are. But I still didn't see the allure of you. Plenty of people are good-looking. That doesn't make them interesting or intriguing or cool. Maybe that's why you kissed me. To do mind control on me, to make me see you that way. It worked. Your little trick worked. From then on, I saw you._

_Up close, your face wasn't so much handsome as beautiful. How many beautiful boys have you ever seen? For me it was just one. You. I think it's a lot to do with your lashes. You have really long lashes. Unfairly long. And your eyes have gorgeous golden specks in them._

_Even though you don't deserve it, fine, I'll go into all the things I like(d) about you:_

_One time , nobody wanted to be dance partners with Josephine Scott because she has BO, and you volunteered like it was no big deal. Suddenly everybody thought Josephine wasn't so bad. And you dance, and you're not embarrassed that you're really good. You were the last boy at court to get tall. And now you're the tallest, but it's like you earned it. Also, when you were short, no one even cared that you were short — the girls still liked you and the boys still chose you to be on their shooting_ _team._

_After you kissed me, I liked you for the rest of that year. It hasn't been easy, watching you with Gen, holding hands and making out in the gardens. You probably make her feel very special. Because that's your talent, right? You're good at making people feel special._

_Do you know what it's like to like someone so much you can't stand it and know that they'll never feel the same way? Probably not. People like you don't have to suffer through those kinds of things. It was easier after Gen stopped being friends with me. At least then I didn't have to hear about it._

_And now that this year is almost over, I know for sure that I am also over you. I'm immune to you now, Peter. I'm really proud to say that I'm the only girl in this whole court who has been immunised to the charms of Peter Kavinsky. All because I had a really bad dose of you in the whole of this year. Now I never ever have to worry about catching you again. And I say good riddance!_

_Lara Jean Song_


End file.
